This is gonna be a long one, and cover a lot of topics. Because of this, I’ll create a Too Long; Didn’t Read here at the beginning.
ME AND LARA ARE GOING TO WRITE ABOUT TOMBOYS! It’s called Tomboy Supremacy, it’s basically Our Own Way but with all tomboys, and the first chapter is up on Lara’s Patreon right now! Pre-order for this one should be this month, and ideally the actual publication date will be, too.
I’m feeling somewhat better but my mental health is a LOT worse than I realized it was, so all my plans are kinda scattered to the wind for the moment.
OUR OWN WAY 7 will still be being worked on, but much slower.
I had a revelation: My financial future is presently too unstable to write nothing but uncertain/passion projects for the rest of the year, so I need to write something that has more commercial appeal and soon. (I know, I’m sad that I wrote that, too, but it is what it is.) So I’m going to start writing about a guy who hunts mutant sharks on another planet.
PRIMAL LOVE and OUR OWN WAY 6 audio are both out!
WOMAN OF THE WILD is posting to Patreon, will be released this month.
To preserve my sanity, I began writing an Iron Lung harem fan fiction. Yes, you read that correctly. (It takes place 20 years later, so no, this isn’t about Markiplier. I normally feel like I wouldn’t have to declare this, but fandoms are insane lol.) I’ve decided to post it to Archive of Our Own, which I’ll start doing soon. It’s gonna be fucked up horror. Don’t expect a consistent update schedule for obvious reasons. That being said, if you like most of the rest of my library, you’ll like this.
Lastly, I’m going to go back to the ‘one novella a month serial’ idea. However, it will not be ENTERING DESOLATION. That idea is dead, I can confirm. It will be BY THE HEARTHFIRE’S LIGHT. Yes, I’m actually doing it. It’s going to be harem, and it’s going to have a horror edge to it. It’s going to be about survival. I should have the first one up on April 1st.
First of all, the good news: I feel better.
Now for the addendum: I still wouldn’t describe myself as better and, in fact, am just now beginning to get an idea of the potential work that lies before me.
Sorry if this is a little jumbled, I am…in a weird place. Also, as it’s the weekend, a little stoned right now.
So, February was supposed to be a half-month, in the sense that for the whole month, I’d take on about 50% of what I normally would. Well…that ended up being closer to like 30%, if I’m feeling generous. February was a weird month for me, but it always is. Seasonal Affective Disorder was kicking my ass, my usual cocktail of mental health problems were kicking my ass in different ways, and I was actually trying to be more social and do more things. Which, after literal years of near agoraphobic-levels of isolation, is still embarrassingly draining for me.
At least it’s better than it used to be. Last year, when I was actually beginning to crawl out of that hole, I’d go out and hang at a friend’s house for like two hours, sitting around, chatting, playing a few games, nothing serious, then come home and literally have to fight falling asleep on the couch. That’s how draining it was.
Anyway, as a consequence of this, I didn’t manage to get practically anything actually DONE. Below, since I’ve been bad about it, is a list of things that are out now!
That’s pretty much it.
Now, before this update descends into what some may likely call madness, I’ll talk about stuff that’s coming.
TOMBOY SUPREMACY: Okay, here’s mostly what I’ve been working on for February. Tomboy Supremacy! Like I said, basically Our Own Way but with tomboys! It should be up for pre-order this month, and we are very much hoping to have it actually published this month, too. It’s a planned trilogy and we already have most of the covers. They look FUCKING AWESOME so far. If you love tomboys, you are really going to love this trilogy and these covers.
THE HINTERLANDS: This is a short story, brand new, that’s going to be paired with my upcoming collection, Misty Vixen Assembled. It’s on Patreon right now, but will be taken down for publication within the next few days. This collection will collect:
My Undead Lover + Two Bonus Epilogue Shorts
Exploration + Two Bonus Epilogue Shorts
The four novellas contained within The Misty Vixen Starter Pack + Two Short Story Sequels
Large & Lovely Trilogy
Pink Trilogy
The Pale Redhead Trilogy
Blind Date Trilogy
Snakeskin Trilogy
WOMAN OF THE WILD: I had hoped to get more work on this done. In fact, I had hoped to get both this and the collection out before now, but wish in one hand and shit in the other and all that. But I’m through about half of it, and what I’ve gotten finished so far is posted on Patreon. This one should definitely be up this month. It’s going to be a…I’m just gonna call it Romance For Men. It is focused ultimately on a relationship between one guy and one dryad, but they definitely sleep with other girls along the way.
OUR OWN WAY 7: So, this is technically in production again. It’s still just two chapters that are up on my Patreon, but more will be coming. When will this be done? Well, I’m not so sure anymore and I’ll get into why in a little bit. Suffice to say, I still will be actively working on it going forward, just more slowly.
THE LOST ARCHIVES (with Lara X. Lust): This one is still being tinkered with. Ideally it’ll be out this month.
Okay, now we can get to the part where I talk about my plans.
I actually got something beyond some vague sort of ‘I’m not sure if I feel better, but I at least am a lot less stressed right now’, and that was clarity. It was kind of insane, actually. It’s rare I get to have those ‘lightbulb’ moments that House is so fond of as a narrative device. (I completely understand why House, the character, chases those lightbulb moments like a soulless junkie, though.) But I got one of those.
It happened after three strange occurrences. First, I saw Iron Lung. (Excellent movie, but…it helps if you’re already a fan. Either of the game or Markiplier.) And then I kept getting ALL these ideas about a fan fiction sequel. And then I…started writing it. Because it bothered me not to and I figured I could use a distraction. And then I decided fine, fuck it, I’ll throw my Iron Lung haremlit fan fiction-yes, I know how insane that sounds-up on Archive of Our Own. Now, I haven’t done that yet, but I will very soon and you can read my weird Iron Lung fan fic.
Then, not much later, I was going through the Angry Video Game Nerd series with my wife again, and I came across the episodes that focused on Castlevania, and I found myself wondering what would happen if I had been tasked with creating a narrative for a video game in that universe. The same thing happened: shitloads of ideas. Although in this case it was weirder, because I’m actually not really familiar with Castlevania (I’ve never actually played any of them), so instead what came out was an intense fantasy haremlit series with a darker-than-usual tone and protagonist. I ended up scribbling down a ton of ideas and then stuffing that away for later, because I have too many ideas. Well, then it happened AGAIN a few days later, this time on even LESS material.
Watching AVGN still with my wife, got to the Action 52 episode and got to the game Sharks and it happened again. I found myself wondering, ‘Man, what would I actually do if, for some reason, I was tasked with expanding this tiny, one-screen game?’, and there was basically a creative volcanic eruption, this one even stronger than the last two, and then I basically vomited even more ideas, complete with characters, in an hour.
That was when I began to get suspicious and started really thinking on it. Well…this is where that clarity came from. What I got out of it this was: my brain is trying to tell me that my current plan, the one I came up with at the end of last year? It won’t work. It’s a little more complicated than this, but essentially, I will be going for too long writing books that have the deck stacked against them in one way or another. Our Own Way 7 is the freaking 7th book in a series that’s taken way too long to complete and isn’t selling super well, and while I once had a lot of hope for the Our Own Way Omnibus…now? Now I’m not so sure. Amazon nerfed omnibuses’ ability to sell. I don’t know why or how, but they clearly did. And now I’m worried that the same may be true of Audible and an audio omnibus. If they’ve nerfed the audio omnibuses…I might need to rethink some shit. I mean, even more than I’ve already rethought and ended up at where I am now.
All my little side projects aren’t going to be runaway juggernauts of success. My re-releases might move some decent numbers, (I sure fucking HOPE so, because I am dropping a LOT on covers), but I’ve never really DONE a re-release before. It’s too uncertain to really trust. Shelter From the Storm? That’s going to be a huge risk that might totally bomb, and given it has a suicidally depressed war hero protagonist, the odds are definitely stacked against it. Primal Love? I know that each book I release in that trilogy will earn roughly 1/3, perhaps even 1/4 of what a harem novel would earn. Tomboy Supremacy? I’m feeling good about that one, actually, but it’s coauthored, so I’d feel kind of bad, pinning all my hopes and dreams on it.
And that’s the thing. Any one of these, I could weather. Any two of these? Probably, yeah. But all of these together in a row? No. It’s way too risky. And I hadn’t seen that, somehow. No idea how. But I’d missed it. Well, now I know. So what does that mean? Well, it means two things. Because not only did I come to this conclusion that it will let my finances slip too much to indulge for too long in projects that I know are risky or losing prospects, I have to admit, from seeing how…everything is going, not just with the world but also with Amazon/Audible, I’m more nervous about finances.
That being said, one of those ideas that burst out of my subconscious is getting written because it has a lot of appeal. It’s about mutant sharks on another planet that once was great but now no one gives a shit about anymore. It’s about a badass loner type who lives in an irradiated part of the ocean just off the coast of a major island city. He hunts giant mutant sharks. He learns that there might be a way to fix the irradiated zone and figures, yeah, should probably do that. That’s as much as I want to say about it for right now, as I haven’t actually got a word written.
That’s one of the decisions I’m making. Here’s the second: I am going to go ahead and resurrect my ‘one novella a month’ project. It is not going to be Entering Desolation. It’s going to be the idea I actually had first, but then decided was too similar to Primal Love, so I canceled it in favor of Entering Desolation, but now that some time has passed since canceling Entering Desolation, I’m finding that I actually really still want to write this other one. And now, unfortunately, Primal Love is going to be pushed back even further. (I still am going to finish the trilogy, I promise, and I’m genuinely sorry I have to keep pushing it back. Things keep kind of forcing my hand, and it really sucks for people who liked it. But I swear it’s not abandoned. I’ll talk a little more about it below, because there’s been more complications.)
This new series is going to be called BY THE HEARTHFIRE’S LIGHT. Yes, I’m actually doing that. HOWEVER, it’s going to be a little different from how it was presented in Our Own Way. It’ll still have sweet romance, but the tone is going to be much grittier. I’ve really wanted to get back to the grittier, harsher survival of RAW and, honestly, go even further than that. I wanted something smaller in scope, with just a small group of survivors as opposed to a whole tribe. Something more survival focused, something more violent, something darker. Something set in, you guessed it, winter. Or, at least, in snow. It’ll be more like a survival horror, so hey! At least that element will survive.
Man, has fucking ANYONE done a survival/horror set in the stone age? I mean, granted it’s not OUR stone age, but the setting is still clearly primeval. I can’t think of any. Really, the closest I can get for a horror set during the stone age is either 10,000 B.C., which was more tense and thrilling than horror, or Out of Darkness. Now, I’ll give it to Out of Darkness: it was horror. It was straight up stone age horror, and it was good. But I’m…let’s just say, I’m very disappointed in the ending, and I wished they had gone…the other direction. Still totally worth watching.
And I genuinely cannot think of another example, movie, game, OR book, that explores horror in a stone age setting. And I would fucking love to see it. I think I proved that, because parts of Raw were absolutely horror. And so now I figure, fuck it, I’m gonna be the change I want to see. So, get ready to see some stone age horror. I’m going to try and get this put together quickly and up for pre-order this month, probably set for April 1st.
Okay, so what’s the actual plan and what’s up with the other things that used to be part of the plan?
I’ll do as best as I can.
PRIMAL LOVE is getting kicked down the road quite a bit. I’m sorry, but I gotta. Something has to give, and this is that something. One of the somethings. Another issue I’ve run into is, basically, the artist who did the cover has evidentially damaged his hand enough that he required hospitalization. I had already been on the fence about whether or not to just go with my more regular artist, but this basically cinched it. The current cover cost a grand. I’d have to drop another three grand to finish out the trilogy. Or…I could just drop roughly 800$ to have the first cover redone and the next three done by my more regular artist. So I’m going with that option. The cover will be different, but it will still feature both protagonists. All of them will. I’m still committed to this being a mono romance, and I’m still committed to finishing this. It might just take a little while, unfortunately.
SHELTER FROM THE STORM is being put back on the shelf for now. Which sucks. But basically, I’ve got way too much shit on my plate. Again, something has to give, and given this was already a passion project, I know it can afford to get taken back out of the picture. It’s not dead, just put back into cold storage. Sorry if you were looking forward to this. So was i.
As for the other projects I’m working on, here is what gets my attention until it is finished in order of importance for the next few months:
TOMBOY SUPREMACY: Gonna blast through this as quick as I can, basically. Not the best thing to say, admittedly, but honestly, it’s coming pretty easily, even with everything going on, so it’s more confidence than apathy. I hope that translates well in the writing.
SHARK STORY: Gonna need to start making real progress on this and quickly.
BY THE HEARTHFIRE’S LIGHT: Gonna need to get this written quickly, too.
OUR OWN WAY 7: I will get to this when I can, basically.
WOMAN OF THE WILD: Same, but even less time for. Honestly, something above here needs to clear up first, and unfortunately those first three are all the first in at least a trilogy, so that’s quite a commitment. Our Own Way 7 will clear up and then this will get the attention that got.
PARASEXUAL is what will get the attention next, and once Woman of the Wild is finished, which should actually happen pretty quickly, then this will get the attention it was getting.
LIKE A FINE WINE is next in line after that. That’s as far as I’m willing to announce ahead for now.
PRIMAL LOVE will get attention probably when Tomboy Supremacy gets wrapped up, so at least not until summer. But I would expect Fall. This is unfortunately going to be the can that’s most kickable, and I’m going to be juggling enough separate projects that I’m going to have to be able to set things aside.
Okay, that’s all I’ve got to say about that. Now, I’ve got two more things to cover. One is about mental health, and the other is about fan fiction.
First, the hard one.
So…I’m starting therapy, as I’ve said a few times now. We’re only a few sessions in, but I honestly feel like we’ve managed to cover more ground in those few sessions than all my other therapy combined. So I’m feeling good about this. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that I might have seriously fucked myself up somewhere in my life without realizing it at all. I have hyper-empathy. It isn’t recognized by the DSM-V as of right now, but I’d also be reluctant to call it pop-psychology. And regardless of whether ‘it exists’ or not, my own personal reality is that for as long as I can remember, I have way too much empathy. Way too many feelings. I took everything personally. I was heartbroken every time something went wrong. It didn’t help that I had anxiety and could flip out over fucking nothing because my brain literally didn’t understand the difference between spilling my drink and someone putting a gun in my face. So it just freaked the fuck out over everything. Everything got to me, and empathy was a massive and consistent theme. Because I had depression, I would obsess in a negative way over everything and nothing. I’d think of all the worst things that could happen to me, my family, my pets, my friends, random people, I couldn’t turn it off. That’s what I call hyper-empathy. Because of this, I think I, in an act of self-defense, disassociated and basically put a mostly firm wall between myself and my emotions.
There’s this line from the Korn song Overture or Obituary: “My house is made of steel, with paper for doors”, and from the first moment I heard it back in goddamned 2007, yes, two thousand motherfucking seven, nearly two decades ago, it stuck with me. It became this perfect representation of me. Because even then, I was trying to armor up, not let shit get to me. But there was still shit that just got right to me, like the armor wasn’t even there. Steel house with paper doors. Laughably easy to break into if you knew where the doors were.
This is still true, though not as much. My steel is now titanium (that’s stronger, right? If not, tungsten then,) and my doors are closer to iron than paper. You can still get through, and it’s a hell of a lot easier to get in than through the walls, so it still happens. And I don’t know how to upgrade that iron any more. And now I’ve brought in a specialist, and they’re telling me, unfortunately, I gotta rip those doors out. It’s like being told, to get rid of the pain in your arm, which has been bugging you for years, they need to rebreak your arm, which was previously broken but never set right, and then set it right and let it heal naturally. And that’s gonna fucking hurt. That’s what it feels like I’m being told.
That disassociation is like nuclear power. And I am bad at running a nuke plant, apparently, because there’s radiation fucking everywhere. The brain needs just, like, a whole purge. And it’s gonna be bad. I’m honestly scared. I’m not sure if I’m going to turn into a massive asshole if I am forced to necessarily break down certain emotional barriers I’ve created largely out of self-defense. And yet, at the same time, I have to risk it. I have to. There basically isn’t a choice. I’ve hit emotional and psychological bedrock. I’ve gone about as far as I can on my own. I need help to go farther. And I finally have it. So I have to do this. I have to at least try. But there might be consequences, psychological fallout that’s a necessary evil. I….genuinely don’t know. This is truly, for the first time in a long time, genuinely uncharted territory for me, and that’s actually pretty fucking terrifying.
So…yeah, that’s the kind of shit I’m going to be wrestling with in the background on a weekly basis as I try to take myself apart, fix myself, and put myself back together somehow all at the same time with some help from one or two other people. It’s gonna be…rough. Rough in a way that I’m genuinely not sure you can actually prepare for.
If my schedule seems like it’s taking too long, this is why, and I’ll talk more about what’s going on, because honestly I want to at least try to help other people suffering from stuff even tangentially related to my own mental health issues. Because relief from mental health issues…there’s nothing like it. It changes everything. And in ways that escape articulation. That words cannot actually reach. So, it’s important to me.
Here’s the last thing I’ll talk about: my fan fiction.
I must warn you from the beginning: In terms of a posting schedule, it will be tumultuous at best. There is the obvious reason of: I am already far too busy as it is. But sometimes, I write stuff simply because it’s super easy and it feels liberating to write. I also kind of want to talk about this just because it’s so fucking hilarious.
A BRIEF HISTORY. I have wanted to write fan fiction almost since the beginning. At first, I thought maybe I’d write some erotic shorts for characters hooking up. Basically like fan fic versions of what I was already doing. I was for sure down to write about a first-time hookup between Seven of Nine on Voyager and a background technician. I still like that idea. I’ve actually done some fan fiction before. The first one I ever began planning was set in Dragon Age, during the first game. It was about a human hunter surviving with an elf, a dwarf, a qunari, and an Avvar, all ladies, of course. But before I could even get to the planning stages, I immediately knew that I’d be stupid not to write this as an original erotic series. I didn’t, the idea ultimately died a quiet, preborn death, but the truth remained the same. That being said, I’ve written about five chapters of another romance set during Dragon Age: Inquisition (the third game), between the protagonist, a typical human farmer-turned-warrior, and a fifty-two-year-old elf mage who has been through more than anyone could imagine (Fiona). I wanted to continue it at some point (and still do), and wanted Lysette, the wayward Templar, to join in, making it an uncertain trio. There’d be interesting tensions. And honestly, this story still calls to me still. I also wrote that incest mother/son short about the Dragon Age 1 Human Noble protagonist.
THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING, RIGHT? IRON LUNG HAREM FAN FICTION. Yep, you read that right. I’m nuts. But whatever. It’s written across the inside of my cranium in luminous scrawl, and I just translate via keyboard. I’ve written like eight chapters so far. So basically, it’s set twenty years after the game and the movie. Both of which I’m convinced take place within a year of each other at least. My story takes place with a group who has never encountered almost anyone in the fifty years that have passed since the Quiet Rapture. Or, according to this group, the Silent Vanishing. I really like what I’ve written so far. And for sure, it’s gonna be harem. Thing is, I’m not actually sure what kind of schedule I can promise for this one. So please keep that in mind. There will be long pauses. There’s also going to be like really fucked up shit. Like, fucked up body horror/cosmic horror H.R. Giger shit. This series is kind of my excuse to finally write about horror, which I’ve been itching to do for a while. Hopefully you enjoy!
FOR A LAUGH. Okay, this is hilarious to me. So, my 'creative engine’ for want of a better term, misfired twice more, in the most hilariously strange ways. The first one was when I was watching this video of Ross Scott reviewing the game Polaris. At about 6:19 he makes a one-off joke about how the game should have used fog as a method of hiding the shitty distance rendering. “Just throw fog everywhere, make this look like Silent Hill Snowmobiling!” And apparently that was enough. I’ve conjured up a potential fan fiction that is a literal crossover of, yes, literally Silent Hill (I love this series…well, the first four games), and Polaris SnoCross. And apparently, this story would require the protagonist to be the opposite of what I’d normally write: a chad who is actually just a true Golden Retriever Energy guy who has a lot of charisma but no ill intentions. His girlfriend is an InstaGram hottie but genuinely has a heart of gold and actually doesn’t like doing it but feels pressured into it by her family, because their relationship is awful (there’s a lot to unpack there). There’s more, but you get the idea. Super weird. And then throw in Silent Hill monsters. Honestly, I’d love to write this. And then, weirdest of ALL this shit, I watched PIG again. (If you haven’t seen it, GO WATCH PIG NOW. Seriously, it’s just that good. Nic Cage calls it the most important film he’s ever made.) My mind began slapping together ideas for a sequel novel. It’s strangely tempting to try. If I had infinite time/motivation, I would actually write all of these.
OTHER FAN FICTION. I have a few other ideas rattling around that I might also get to at some point.
FROSTPUNK SURVIVAL HORROR. Got a really solid idea for this one, even made a kickass cover for it. Also yes, it would be harem.
WOLFENSTEIN 2009 ACTION/HORROR. I really, REALLY like the 360-era Wolfenstein game, simply titled Wolfenstein. Most people don’t seem to agree with me. I have an idea for basically a story taking place during the campaign, with a sort of inexperienced, reluctant hero protagonist, doing Wolfenstein things with the Kreisau Circle, killing Nazis and monsters, rescuing people, and he ends up putting together a team of hot, badass women. (I know for sure one of them is going to be a crazy, violent Russian redhead, because how could I resist?).
That’s basically it for fan fiction, and for this post!
Sorry it was so long and that plans have changed so dramatically, and also that the immediate future is so uncertain. If it helps, overall, I’d say my initial plan is still the same: Catch up and eventually be able to work on just one thing at a time. Only now, it’ll take longer.
I’m also really curious to see what people think of the Iron Lung fan fiction.
