“Are you sure we shouldn’t drive down?” Edith asked.
“Trust me, Edith, there’s not even enough for us all to carry something. There’s basically just a suitcase of my extra clothes that I left behind,” Atticus replied.
“And walking is nice, especially on days like today,” Colleen said, looking skyward.
He did as well.
She was right, it was shaping up to be another perfect Oregon day. Or at least perfect for him: low-to-mid sixties, light breeze, faint gray cloud cover, the potential for rain sometime in the evening. It was absolutely perfect.
And while his life did not feel perfect right now, it sure as hell felt good.
They had decided to move the rest of his stuff over pretty much immediately after they’d wrapped up that big conversation about the immediate future.
“So you can really just...not go home?” Edith asked as they closed in on his lakehouse.
“If I don’t want to, yeah. Why?” Atticus replied.
“It’s just-I mean, what about your responsibilities? Friends? Family?”
“I wrapped up and then closed off as many responsibilities as I could over the last nine months so I could focus on Cold Reset. Then I made sure to wrap up everything else as much as I could before coming here. I also definitely neglected my relationships to do that. But...I have to admit, after doing that and then actually looking back over those relationships, I have come to the conclusion that most of my friends are more acquaintances than friends.”
“What made you come to that conclusion?” Colleen asked. She had the tone of a pleased teacher trying to determine if the student actually understood what they were talking about.
“I looked over our conversations and thought back to hanging out. Honestly, it’s just that few of them seemed to...care, I guess. A lot of my friendships felt one-sided and there was this part of me that I think is almost dead, or at least severely weakened, that was pretty desperate for human contact, that was putting in far, far more effort than I was receiving. And I get that it’s not going to be perfectly matched all the time, but it was clear most of them just didn’t have that much invested. Which, also, I’m not saying they had to be at my beck and call twenty four seven, but…”
“I get it,” Edith said.
“So, wait, you’re saying the part of you that desires human contact is mostly dead?” Colleen asked.
“No. That-yeah, that could’ve been worded better. That part of me has been satisfied a great deal more recently, but I think...dead isn’t quite right. Perhaps, tamed? Calmed? I went into isolation to get Cold Reset made and at first it was really hard but after about three months, I realized that I didn’t actually want what I thought I wanted. I just felt like I had to want it.”
“And that exact feeling is the backbone of civilization right now,” Colleen muttered. “But I’m glad you figured that out. It’s...a curiosity.”
“So how exactly is a desire for human contact the backbone of civilization? I mean, I can see how, but what do you mean?” Edith asked.
Atticus abruptly caught onto that particular interplay between the two women. There was a vague undercurrent of desperation of Edith’s voice when she asked that specific question, and either he was extremely well-tuned to her already, or he was just familiar with this, but he had a strong notion of what it meant.
It was the kind of tone someone adopted when they heard something they perceived as smart and either didn’t get, or didn’t trust their interpretation, and then was filled with the urge to know exactly what the other person meant, to measure their own intelligence against the other person’s.
Which actually made a great deal of sense, given the shape of their shared history.
And his own history. It was not a good feeling.
“Unhappy people spend more money than happy people,” Colleen replied. “So most of the people in positions of commercial authority have a strongly vested interest in keeping us unhappy. Right now, that is what grips out entire society. It infects everything, like radiation in the air, toxic waste in the groundwater. Invisible and devastating. But it’s so very nice to break away from that. To realize that listening to some twenty two year old influencer with more plastic surgery than brain cells is, in fact, not the path to happiness.”
“I guess so...what is the path to happiness, then?” Edith asked.
They were coming up to his lakehouse now. As he slipped the key into the lock, he shared a brief look with Colleen, who looked slightly worried. One of the reasons everything wasn’t perfect: Edith was still suffering.
They all were, probably.
It was just being outshone, for the most part, by all their hedonistic sexual escapades.
“The problem with that question,” Atticus replied as he unlocked the door and let them inside, “is that while there are some common markers to follow, the path to happiness is different for each person. One path to abject misery for one person might be a path to utter bliss for another.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” Edith murmured.
“And we’ll help you figure out your way there.”
She looked at him. “You’ll help me figure out, what, how to be happy?”
“I mean, yeah. Well, we’ll try.”
“That is what I’ve been trying to do since I came back,” Colleen said. “Although I realize now that I haven’t quite been trying hard enough.”
“No, that’s-don’t think that,” Edith replied. “I know you’ve been trying. It isn’t that you weren’t trying hard enough. If anything, I think you were doing a good job, because I clearly have not been ready to, mmm, how to put this? I guess, hear you? But don’t think you haven’t been a good friend since coming back.”
Colleen pursed her lips, clearly not in agreement, but she relented. “I suppose I’ll have to just accept that.” She looked to Atticus. “Have you decided what you’re going to tell Kate about all this?”
“No,” he replied. “Although I imagine it won’t be very complicated. Just let her know I’m staying longer.”
“Atticus,” Colleen said, her tone reproachful.
“What?” he asked.
“That girl is very infatuated with you. Don’t pretend otherwise.”
“I really think you’re reading too much into that,” Atticus said. Colleen crossed her arms. Shit, she was really good at that ‘stern teacher’ look. The glasses helped a lot. “Seriously! I’m not saying she doesn’t give a shit about me, but what we have going on is just...hormones. We’re having fun, we’re not falling in love.”
“You’d better be damn sure that she isn’t falling in love if you aren’t,” Colleen replied.
“I mean how sure can I be?! Edith, we need a tiebreaker.”
Both of them stared at her. Edith sighed. “I think that...I haven’t spent enough time with her to know one way or the other.”
“How diplomatic,” Colleen said.
“I mean it!”
“I believe that you mean it, I’m just annoyed.” She pursed her lips and shifted her strong gaze back to Atticus. “I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”
“I don’t either,” he replied. “For real, you and I are on the same page there. I just think that you’re reading too much into what we’ve got going on.”
“And I think your self depreciative tendencies are blinding you to just how much she likes you.”
“I genuinely understand why you think that, I really truly do, but I think maybe something similar is happening with you. I mean, I could be wrong. Generally speaking, I’ve found myself inclined to agree with your assessments over mine if they clashed, but this is a case where my gut is telling me I’m right.”
“Hmm.” Colleen stared at him for a moment longer, then seemed to decide to let it drop. “I guess we’ll find out.”
“I will talk with her, and soon. Now, uh, I need to get my shit and straighten up and say goodbye.”
“Say goodbye to who?” Edith asked.
“To this lakehouse. Um, I’ll explain on the way back.”
“Okay.” She looked at Colleen. “We should probably help.”
“Yeah, I would like to get home,” she agreed. “Atticus, you get your stuff, I’ll take care of the dishes and Edith can straighten up. Honestly, there’s not really much to do.”
“No, I didn’t spend nearly as much time here as I thought I would,” Atticus agreed, heading for the stairs.
He walked up them and into the master bedroom. He stopped just beyond the doorway, a strangeness settling over him. He couldn’t tell if it was good or bad, or something else entirely. He couldn’t even determine what emotion it was eliciting.
After lingering there for a few seconds more, he kept going. Much like Colleen, he wanted to get back home. Even if they couldn’t have that threesome tonight, he very much wanted to do other things with both of them.
Atticus gathered up the rest of his clothing and a book he’d forgotten that he’d brought. He looked around for his spare suitcase before eventually remembering that he’d only come down here with one suitcase and one laptop case, both of which were over at Colleen’s already. Sighing softly, he finished gathering everything up in his arms.
He headed out the door and began heading downstairs, then hesitated and looked around. He wanted to linger, but he didn’t know why. He looked around, wondering if he was missing something, then drifted to the second bedroom and looked inside. Looked at the beds, the closet with the ladder, out the window.
What was this feeling?
He lingered for a bit, then walked to the window. He could see the rise in land, the road, beyond the rise would be the town, several miles off. He could just see the side of a building, what he was pretty sure was the pet shelter. It had been there since he used to come here, but he knew it hadn’t been a pet shelter back then.
If it had, he would’ve gone up there at least a few times and hung out with the cats and dogs and anything else they might have up there.
“You okay up there?” Colleen called.
“Yeah,” he called back.
Well, whatever it was, he wasn’t going to find it up here. Atticus walked back downstairs and found Colleen drying her hands. She turned to look at him, a smile on her face. When she saw him, her smile faltered.
“Are you okay?”
“I think so,” he replied.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Edith asked from somewhere nearby.
“No, nothing happened,” he replied. “I’m just feeling...weird. I don’t know. Being here is kind of messing with me, but I don’t know why. I’m not even sure if it’s a bad thing.”
“Hmm.” Colleen put a single finger to her pursed lips. She looked around for a moment. “Well...this is your halcyon place. It embodies your childhood, the best parts of it. That can’t mean nothing.”
Atticus considered it, looked around as well. “There are a lot of memories here. And this is the place I yearned for. I wanted to come back to. I guess...this kind of feels like...saying goodbye to my childhood? Or more than that, maybe. Saying goodbye to this fantasy I’d had of returning to this place on my own terms.”
“Didn’t it all go well, though?” Edith asked, joining them in the kitchen.
“Yeah, it did. Far, far better than I ever could have realistically dreamed. I’m not upset, exactly, but I am a little sad.”
“You’re losing something,” Colleen replied. “That’s often a sad experience, regardless of the circumstances.”
“I guess so.” He looked around again, then down at the bundle in his arms. “I’m done.”
“I thought you said you had a suitcase,” Edith said.
“I forgot that I just have the one, and it’s already back over there. But this is an easy load to handle.”
“Can we go back to the house now? Because I would like to handle your load,” Colleen replied.
He looked at her with something like surprise, but that was quickly swept away by lust when he looked into her eyes.
“Very yes,” he replied, making Colleen laugh.
Edith sighed. “I somehow regret and also don’t regret all the fucking we did.”
“Let Past Edith have her happiness and bask in the knowledge that Future Edith will absolutely be getting laid, very intensely, by both of us,” Atticus replied.
Edith laughed. “I guess that’s one way to look at it.”
They took one more quick look around, then left the lakehouse. Atticus locked up and they started walking back to Colleen’s place.
Also known as his new, if temporary, home.
Holy God, he was actually shacking up with a legitimate cougar. An absurdly attractive one at that. And so much more. She was fun and smart and horny. He had admittedly been a little worried about that last one, unsure if the legends of lust that awoke in middle-aged women were true or not. Obviously it couldn’t be all of them, but he wasn’t sure if it had been an actual thing that most women had a decent chance of experiencing or wishful thinking on the part of guys like him.
Those who appreciated the wonder of finely aged women.
They had made it nearly to the front door when his phone started ringing.
“Who’s this now?” Edith muttered, sounding vaguely irritated.
“It’s…” He shifted his bundle until he managed to free a hand and get his phone out. “Kate. I gotta take that.”
“Yeah,” Colleen agreed.
Edith took his bundle and Colleen unlocked the door. They headed inside, leaving him to answer the phone.
“What’s up?” he asked.
Immediately he could tell she was not happy. “Atticus...I need a favor.”
“I’m listening.”
“I need you to pry yourself out from between your sugar cougars and help me clean up a house. I’m at the middle lakehouse across the lake and...I can actually see you right now. Um, sorry. The family that was just here fucking wrecked the place. Like, bad. And I will deal with them later, but for right now, I have to get this place cleaned up and ready, because the family who’s coming in will be here in about twelve hours.”
“Twelve hours? But that’s like three in the morning.”
“I know. It’s how they roll. What matters is that I have other things I need to do today, but I also need to get this house cleaned up. They’re basically my best clients. They rent for a whole month, which is more expensive than it sounds, and some people have also let me know that they’re big spenders in town and that’s more important than ever now...I’m sorry, I know I’m dumping a cold bucket of responsibility in your lap but I’m fucking begging you here. I will do…” Her tone suddenly changed to something more provocative. “Whatever your heart desires.”
“Kate, come on, are we seriously going to trade sexual favors?” he asked.
“Yeah. Why not?”
Atticus began to reply, but nothing came to mind. He thought about it for a moment.
“You can’t think of a reason, can you?” she asked.
“I guess I just feel weird about it, but if you’re down, I’m down. What’ll I get out of this?”
“Why don’t you come over here and start helping me and we’ll negotiate?”
“Oh, sure. Sounds completely legit.”
Her voice became shockingly seductive. “Come on, Atticus. You know I’m good for it.”
He actually felt his pulse speed up. “I’ll be right over.”
She laughed. “Holy shit, it actually does work. Okay, I’ll be here cleaning. Also, like, thank you. Seriously, fucking life saver.”
“You’re welcome, Kate. Be right over. I gotta go break the news.”
“Good luck.”
They hung up and he headed back inside. He heard the women talking and followed their voices to Colleen’s bedroom. She was holding up some fishnet stockings and Edith was studying them. They both fell silent and looked over as he came in.
“Everything okay? You look...nervous,” Colleen asked.
He chuckled. “Kate needs my help. Not an emergency, well, not exactly, but she needs help cleaning the lakehouse across the way.”
“That’s actually kind of perfect,” Colleen replied. “You can be alone with her, talk to her about whatever you need to.”
“Yeah, seems like a good idea,” Edith agreed.
“Thank you for understanding.” He walked in and gave both of them quick kisses, then looked down at the stockings. “You gonna wear those?”
“I thought Edith could,” she replied.
“I’m...considering it. Would you like that, Atticus?” she asked, smiling a small smile.
“Uh fuck yes I’d like that,” he replied immediately.
“I think that’s settled then.” He looked at the stockings again, then sighed and shook his head. “I have to get out of here or I’m going to break my promise.”
“Well now, we can’t have that, young man,” Colleen murmured. “Off with you then.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied, and she smirked, just a little.
Atticus hurried for the door.
