The Misty Vixen Newsletter (June 2022)

I finally got Raw III out!

Sorry for the delay, and also: The paperback version is out.

And here’s the nude version on Patreon. Also, you can see the nude version of Nessa in the original style, plus the nude versions in the new style art of Raw I & II on this page.

The last bit of Raw-related news is that I’m going back to releasing triple packs, but not with any new content (no bonus short). So sometime this month there’s going to be a Raw I - III Collected title released. The only new thing about it is that I got custom cover art done for it. So you get to see new Niri. I’m doing this for a reason, but I’m not ready to talk about the reason for it. Brand new things are happening behind the scenes and for a reason I will explain later this month, it makes sense to do this. If you don’t care about collections with no new material added, then you can safely ignore this.

So…things are happening.

After two months of trying to work on one thing at a time, and seeing how abysmal my output becomes when I do that, I’ve decided to switch back to working on more than one project at once.

The first thing I’m working on is a new, small fantasy series. At some point, while I was sorting through my work and analyzing everything as I continue to make the switch to being a full-on harem author, it occurred to me that I no longer have anything on offer that involves monster girl fucking. Nor alien girls, or paranormal girls. Nothing. Just humans, and the occasional non-human in Like A Fine Wine and Raw. And while I’ve definitely got more non-human girls coming up in Raw, I don’t have a series that’s dedicated to an entire harem of monster girls. And I should. Because to be honest, I got into this business to write about regular human dudes fucking monster girls and alien girls and other non-human types, and I’ve been away from that for too long.

This series is going to be a bit calmer, in terms of what the plot is about. It’s not going to be about building a whole town or saving a whole group of people. It’s really just going to focus on the protagonists: a human guy and his monster girl harem. And the other monster girls and non-human girls they fuck on the side, and their goals. I’ll talk more about it as I get closer to release, but I do want to say that I’m not going to be posting these chapters to my Patreon. I kind of want to keep it low-key until it’s actually ready to go.

The second thing I’m going to be working on is something I’ve been toying with for years now: horror harem.

I asked in a few places recently about the possibility of horror harem and the reaction I got was pretty good. People seem to want it and I definitely want to do it. I’ve got an idea for a sci-fi outer space horror harem. In a way, I’ve been flirting with horror for a long time. I like writing about monsters and scary situations, I’ve just never really leaned into it. Obviously, it’ll be kind of difficult, balancing horror with harem. They kind of clash, and something’s likely going to have to give, narratively speaking, and it’s going to be the horror, since I’m writing for a harem audience.

This will also give me a chance to test out how a new pen name gets received by Amazon, and also audiences, I guess, but it won’t be a secret that it’s me. I’ve got a name picked out and a rough sketch of the story. If this series does well, I have several other horror ideas that could easily fit here. And it’s going to be the same deal with this one in that I won’t be posting it as I write it, I’m just gonna write it and publish it when it’s ready. The sequels to these stories, however, will be on my Patreon in early access.

Aside from that I’ll be doing some preliminary work on Raw IV. I want to let some time go by so that I don’t burn myself out.

So, hopefully, I’ll have a breezy monster girl harem in a fantasy setting book out by the end of June, and then a horror harem novel out sometime after that, and then Raw IV sometime after that.

The Misty Vixen Newsletter (May 2022)

Not a whole lot to say this time around.

Raw III is still being worked on but an early May release is completely out of the question due to how certain things fell. Mainly, the cover art. Making the transition to a new style means I have to first get Raw I & II recovered. At this point, I have the art for Raw I, and should have the art for Raw II very soon. But that still means I won’t have the cover for Raw III until at least mid-May.

In a way, it’s good news for me because it means I can take the writing at a saner pace. I feel like Raw III is coming out more smoothly than Raw II largely because of this.

As of right now, I’m about 2/3 of the way finished with it.

I’ve got a few other things cooking in the background right now, but it’s too early to really say anything about them. So for now just look forward to more Raw.

Raw III Preview

Here is the first chapter of Raw III!

Chapter II is available on my Patreon.

And subsequent chapters will also be posted as early access to my Patreon.


The persistence of the ocean had become just another sound in the collection of noises that Jak had come to live with since awakening on the shores of this island on that cold, dismal night. The sounds of life rose and fell in cadence with the cycle of day and night. The calls of the birds, the whistling of the winds, the rustling of the canopy, occasionally the patter of rain, and, though it was the most unerring of all, the distant crash of the ocean as it beat upon the shoreline had been reduced both by distance and familiarity.

As Jak now approached that exact same coast where his old life had terminated and his new life had begun, he found himself mesmerized by the waves. At first by the sound of them and then, with even more power as he came out of the trench that had once been his home and came to stand at the place where the dirt met the rocky shore, by the sight of it.

The vast ocean.

He stood staring, listening, feeling at once both a strange serenity and a distant fear.

Though he knew it not to be true, the expanse of water seemed to have no end. It felt impossible. It felt unthinkably massive. It felt…

Old.

Ancient.

Older than the trees. Older than the rocks. Older even than the dirt he walked upon every single day. Older than the cave he called home.

Perhaps even older than the sky.

Jak wasn’t sure how long he stood there, enraptured by the ceaseless repetition of the waves as they rolled eternally towards the island, but at some point, the loud, familiar caw of a certain giant crow broke his meditative state.

He looked around, first at the shore itself, locating the exact spot where he had awoken. Time was a difficult subject, at times, often in examination of memories, it seemed strangely disordered and also impossibly lengthened or shortened. It felt unthinkable to him that he had awoken on this shore less than the passing of a season ago, when it felt like a whole winter should have come and gone since then.

Was this a result of his memory loss, or simply a part of life?

In the month that had passed since the founding of his tribe, Jak had learned that there were some common experiences or thought patterns that he had to adjust to both due to his lost memories and also to what little he could remember of his life before. It was clear that the life he had lived was very different from just about everyone else he had met.

With a soft sigh, Jak turned away from the spot on the shore that would seem no different to anyone else, and looked south.

It grew a bit more barren down that way. He saw a mostly dead tree standing skeletal against the blue sky. This was where the crow perched, staring at him. Although it was an animal, Jak felt he could read something in its stance, its piercing black eyes.

Something ominous.

Almost a threat.

Do not come this way.

“Why?” he murmured.

When Jak had set out on this task of coming to see the place where his new life had begun, in the cold, in pain, in isolation, he hadn’t had much thought of why beyond he wanted to do it and he had the time to.

But now that he was here, some part of him, small yet powerful, wanted to walk farther south. To follow the shore to its end and see what was there.

Because he was certain something was there.

Jak began walking. The crow cawed at him, sharply, the sound carrying well over the hiss of the waves.

It sounded like a threat...or perhaps a warning.

Like a wolf growling deep in its throat if you drew too close to the meat it was eating.

Jak slowed, and then when the crow flapped its immense wings a few times and cawed again, he finally stopped. It was still a good distance off, and the place he wanted to go was farther than that, out of sight, hidden by a collection of trees. He looked from the trees to the large bird that was, at this point, almost a resident of his tribe by proxy. The huge black bird was seen almost daily by someone around the tribe, and Jak still had the curious impression that it was, in some way, not just watching out for his tribe, but smart enough to.

And now it was warning him away.

So far, it had yet to lead him astray. That didn’t mean he fully trusted it, but he trusted his instincts, and to this day, they told him that the crow was trying to help. He still wasn’t entirely convinced it wasn’t a Spirit of the Forest, or perhaps some strong magic-user’s pet, or thrall. That didn’t necessarily mean it was secretly evil or part of some plan against him, but it also didn’t mean it was fully trying to help him.

Something was happening on this island, something somehow relating to him. He was convinced of it at this point. His first memory was of a strange, blue figure standing over him on the shore. And since then, that figure had met him in his dreams and nightmares more than once. He had the impression that it was trying to help him, but it had more of an air of mystery than he was comfortable with.

Of course, it was possible that all of this was a manifestation of a damaged mind. Perhaps he was imagining some of it, and simply assigning meaning to random events for the rest. Jak finally turned around and started walking back.

As he did, he smiled.

Though he had grown increasingly distracted by the sounds of the ocean, Jak had not missed the fact that he was being followed by someone who thought they were more quiet than they truly were. He paused as he neared the trench cut into the landscape.

“I know you’re there, Niri. Come out,” he said.

There was a lingering pause, and then the slim elf stepped out from behind a tree. “How did you know?” she demanded.

“You’ve developed your abilities much since we first met, but you have to remember that my hearing and senses are better than almost everyone else on this island,” he replied.

She sighed heavily and then lost any sense of irritation, instead becoming awkward. “Are you mad, that I followed you?”

“No,” he replied. “I am curious, though.” He walked over to her.

“I wanted to see where you were going,” she said. “And also…”

“Also?”

“I wanted to visit the cave. Our cave. And the log.”

“We can do that,” he said.

She smiled. “Good! Let’s go!”

Jak laughed and they set off down the trench, sticking to the left side of it, which began to rise upwards the farther along they went. They walked alongside the earthen wall, and already Jak was remembering their first meeting. How he had saved Niri, and how he had gradually begun to understand the scope of the situation on the island.

“You seem different,” Niri said after several moments of silence.

“Different today? Or in general?” Jak replied.

“In general.”

“How?”

“I guess I noticed it when I was following you. It’s the way you move, the way you walk. You used to be more...wary, I guess. You’d look around more. But now it’s like you aren’t worried about anything. You’re calmer, but at the same time, still really aware? It is hard to describe. Looking at you from a distance, I had the impression that if I wanted to sneak up on you and attack you, it would be a bad idea. Maybe it’s just because I know you so well, but I think I would think that even if you were a stranger. And apparently I was right. You knew. Was it the whole time?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“How?”

“It’s hard to describe. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I know you so well. I can just tell when you’re following me.”

“Hmm.”

“Does that annoy you?”

She sighed. “Maybe a little. Maybe I want to sneak up on you at some point and surprise you. You’ve done it to me more than once.”

He laughed. “I don’t really mean to.”

“If you say so...I think you do it on purpose at least a little, sometimes.”

“Maybe,” he admitted. “You’re kind of fun to startle.”

“Fine, but that means I get to do things like this!” She broke away from his side and leaped onto his back. Jak caught her easily, supporting her and getting her settled almost instinctively at this point. She’d taken to doing it a lot, and so had Rylee after Niri had set the standard. He was strong enough that it didn’t bother him, and having them in all their soft, feminine glory pressing against his back as he carried them around (usually to the bedding), made the experiences pleasant ones. He carried her along the way and then up the path that led to the cave he, her, and Rylee had originally called home. As they neared the top, he let her down.

His senses were finely tuned, but there existed things, and people, who slipped past them, and it usually was a good idea to remain cautious.

Jak listened for a few seconds, then peered into the cave. He relaxed when he saw there was nothing and no one inside.

“It’s safe,” he said, walking within. Niri joined him.

The two walked deeper in, eventually coming to a halt near the center of the small cave, and for a moment, simply stood there, looking around.

The remains of their bedding was still there to be seen, the remnants of their fire, a few broken pots and tools, and, most prominent of all: Niri’s cave drawing. It seemed much simpler compared to works that she had done since then, mainly because it was done entirely in charcoal, and they had since found flowers to turn into a paste that could provide all sorts of color. Even still, it looked masterful to him, a simple yet elegant depiction of a pair of deer near some trees and a little watering hole, all of it beneath a sun and some clouds.

“You came back, didn’t you?” he murmured.

“I did,” she replied, then smile broadly. “I’m so happy you can tell.”

“You’re very skilled at this. It’s hard to be anything but amazed.”

“There are many things I love about you,” Niri said, looking at him now, “but that you appreciate my drawing, my painting...that one is a thing I really love about you.” She paused, frowned a little. “Maybe that is selfish. One of the things I like about you most is how you like an aspect of me.

“It’s not selfish, Niri,” he replied. “You aren’t a selfish person. You don’t have to worry about that.” He glanced past her, out the entrance to the cave, judging the quality of the light. The sun had not yet reached its apex, but it was getting there, and today was the day he wanted to have a meeting about the future of the tribe. Or at least the next step. “We should be going.”

“Okay,” she said. She took his hand and let him lead her out of the cave.

It was interesting, he thought, how much she trusted him. He’d done his best to imprint upon her the need to rely on her own senses and instincts more than any one person, and she had clearly taken them to heart, but he could tell she still trusted him implicitly to keep her safe. He would, there was no question of that, but he knew it was a situation to be observed. He was not perfect, not unstoppable. And the thought of losing her or Rylee, or Nessa now…

Was unbearable.

Nessa. He hadn’t seen her in a week, and although she had yet to dedicate herself to either him or their tribe, Jak could sense a strong, intense bond between the two of them. One that she was working towards consummating.

He wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing out there, sometimes beyond Avat’s Forest, beyond the fact that it had something to do with her people and helping them, trying to unify them somehow, and that it was dangerous. She tended to show up every few days, often injured but in high spirits. Mostly. When they were alone, she was happy to be there with him, but she admitted she was failing in her chosen task, and it was getting to her.

That he hadn’t seen her for almost a week bothered him, and soon he would need to go looking for her if she didn’t return.

They slowed as they reached the clearing that held the hollowed-out log they’d once, briefly, called home.

The two of them walked up to the entrance. To the untrained eye, there was nothing to show it had ever housed anyone, but Jak could see a tiny bit leftover. A few impressions in the dirt and plants left behind, largely protected from the elements.

“This was the first place we ever shared intimacies,” he said. “Do you think this was where you became pregnant?”

Niri smiled and looked down, laying both hands across her bare stomach, which was still smooth and taut. “Perhaps,” she murmured. “Maybe it was in the cave. Or the waterfall.” She looked back up at him. “We’ve shared intimacies in so many places.”

“Yes, we have.” He turned his attention away from the log and focused on her. He put one hand over both of hers. She moved them out of the way and laid his hand flat against her stomach, then held it with her own. “You are sure?” he asked.

“I am sure,” she replied, smiling. “We both are. We each have missed our time of bleeding.”

“I’ve never actually asked, but...why does that happen?”

She lost her smile, looking irritated. “We elves are told that it is a form of giving to the Forest. If we are not pregnant, then the Forest demands a small portion of us, and that is how it takes it. But now that I have spoken with Rylee and several other former Tolvar women, I find myself more inclined to believe them.”

“What do they say?”

“That it is a punishment, for not engaging in the planting of seeds enough, for not bearing fruit. Given that it always hurts my stomach, and how easy it is to become angry or irritable while it happens...yes, I am inclined to believe Rylee, though it would make no sense for an elf also to experience it if it is a Tolvar punishment. I truly don’t know why it happens, only that if it stops happening, it means that we have become pregnant. That is the only thing that can stop it. Even then, it will start up again at some point after giving birth.”

“I’m sorry, it sounds miserable.”

“It really is. But,” she said, looking down at herself once more and regaining her smile, “it doesn’t matter. Because I am pregnant, because you planted your seed in me, and it took root. And I have never been happier. I know Rylee is so happy, too. We talk about it a lot.” She brought his hand up to one of her cheeks and nuzzled it. “I can’t think of anyone I would rather have planted his seed in me,” she murmured.

“I’m very happy about this as well, Niri,” Jak replied.

“I know. I’ve gotten so that I can read you...most of the time. You hide your feelings well, but I can at least tell you are happy about this. Now, we should get back to the village, because I can tell when you are getting impatient to get back to work.”

He laughed and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be. I like being out here with you, it’s just…”

“It’s just that you run an entire village, your own tribe, and that is much work. It’s okay. I understand.”

“I appreciate it.”

They shared a kiss, and then began walking back through the forest.

Free Giveaway - April 11th through April 15th

So, the time has come to announce my big free giveaway.

I am slowly going to be removing all of my backlog, non-harem titles from Amazon over the next several months and publishing them elsewhere. For a more detailed explanation of why, please read this blog post.

What you really need to know right now is that you will have an opportunity to grab free ebook versions of EVERYTHING I have published that is currently non-harem, as well as some stuff that falls into a sort of gray area (mostly Parasexual).

PLEASE NOTE: EVERYTHING THAT IS ON THIS LIST, THAT IS CURRENTLY FREE FOR THE NEXT FIVE DAYS, IS GOING TO BE REMOVED FROM AMAZON AT SOME POINT OVER THE NEXT THREE OR SO MONTHS. SO IF YOU WANT IT FOR FREE, NOW IS THE TIME TO GET IT.

Here is a hyperlinked list of titles that will be free starting at midnight, as we go into April 11th. So in a few hours:

I’d like to repeat once more, this sale is the FINAL sale like this, though the titles will remain for some length of time after the sale. They all fall out of the KU at different dates, so it’ll be kind of scattershot. So you have THIS WEEK, from April 11th until April 15th, to snag it all. If it’s on this list, it is going away from the Kindle COMPLETELY within the next three months or so.

My Backlog

My backlog, aka basically everything that isn’t overtly harem, has been weighing on my mind for about two years now. At some point, it occurred to me that perhaps I should remove the bulk of my older work from Amazon, and post it elsewhere. In fact, I actually began this process at one point way back in 2018, but ultimately I was forced to give up on that.

But circumstances have changed. Normally that’s a bad statement, but this time I mean that circumstances have changed for the better. The reason before I ultimately couldn’t do it was because I so desperately needed the money. But now that I’ve enjoyed success with A Warm Place and Raw, and (God willing) with my future harem endeavors, I’m not forced to keep the titles up.

So I imagine the big question is: why do you want to remove a lot of your titles from Amazon?

There’s a list of reasons, and it has been growing. And I’ve finally been pushed over the edge on the matter.

If you’re interested in finding out why this is happening, and also a comprehensive list of titles that will be brought down, SLOWLY, I would like to reiterate, (don’t worry, you have time to grab them if you still want, and they’ll still be available, just not on Amazon), then read on.

  • So let’s just start out with the biggest reason, the one that is motivating me the most to do this. If this was not a factor, I probably wouldn’t be doing this. Amazon cannot be trusted. What I mean by this is: Amazon is far too massive of a company and, consequently, they have automated the shit out of basically everything. And clearly they are doing it more and more as time goes on. Bots, algorithms, WTFever, are running rampant and glitching a lot. Within the past week, they informed me that FOUR of my titles had been found to have copyrighted material in them and that I needed to provide proof that I had permission to publish them. Not even that I owned them myself, THAT I HAD PERMISSION. AS IN, ACCORDING TO AMAZON’S SYSTEM, IT ALREADY CONCLUDED THAT I WAS POSTING MATERIAL THAT DID NOT BELONG TO ME, EVEN THOUGH I LITERALLY WROTE IT MYSELF AND IT HAS NEVER BEEN PUBLISHED ANYWHERE ELSE. Consider all that for a moment. And that is just ONE of the potential issues that an account can be flagged for, and potentially suspended or even terminated for. Now I will give props here and say that with a few exceptions, normally when I respond and an actual human looks at it, they realize it’s an error and fix it immediately. (Though that was not the case here, had to fight a bit this time around.) But Amazon’s huge, what happens if I run into someone who’s in a bad mood? What happens if I run into someone who hates smut? What happens if Amazon automates their system so much that we reach a point that I can’t even reach a real person anymore? It’s heading in that direction. You can see the problem here. Which leads into my next issue.

  • Amazon hates erotica. Despite the fact that it has to be just raking in the cash, Amazon hates erotica, smut, anything with actual sex scenes in it. Which is…like everything I’ve written. Although they’d never admit it publicly, they clearly are irritated by erotica because it causes the most problems and eats into their profits when stupid assholes bitch about it loud enough and cause a controversy. God fucking forbid people enjoy their smut. Amazon has, in their zeal to pretend they’re actually listening to their consumers, gone on a rampage like six times now and wrecked or in some capacity fucked up who knows how many people’s income by mass-deleting books that suddenly don’t comply with their arbitrary new rules and, in some cases, outright terminating author’s accounts. And therein lies my specific problem: I’ve written some stuff that might be seen as questionable. Even though I went out of my way literally every time in every single one of my stories to ensure that consent was asked for and gotten, I’m sure some of the heavier scenes I’ve written (women into being tied down, slapped or choked, dub-con or non-con fantasies), might at some point be considered problematic. Just because something was okay when it was first published doesn’t mean it will remain okay forever. And the biggest problem of all this is Amazon REFUSES to release a list of things that are not okay to write about or depict. We authors have had to fucking guess. Quick example: Apparently, you are not allowed to depict a woman with her hands bound on the cover. A man with his hands bound is fine, but that’s a whole other thing. But as far as I can tell, NOWHERE does it say this. Even though it is a VERY SPECIFIC thing, it’s not a rule that’s been written down anywhere. Shit, how many people have had a title blocked and have no idea why? Because Amazon won’t TELL US. The message is, 99% of the time, some fucking variant of ‘you have violated the content guidelines, now fix it even though we won’t tell you what’s wrong’. It could be fucking ANYTHING. It could literally be nothing, just a glitch. But there’s no difference in the messages, so there’s basically no way to tell. And it’s an old problem, I used to run into this even way back in the mid-2010s. And as we all know, most of my backlog is labeled as erotica. And once you label something as erotica, you can’t unlabel it. Not unless you completely republish it as a new title…which is its own bag of worms, and which I wouldn’t do anyway, because it is erotica, which is why I don’t write straight-up erotica anymore. And so all of this boils down to: about three quarters of my currently live titles are potential landmines that might suddenly become a problem with each day that passes.

  • I AM NO LONGER AN EROTICA AUTHOR. This is something I’ve spoken of a bit already, but basically, just about everything that came before A Warm Place is no longer representative of the work I am now trying to sell. And, in fact, it might actually turn away new prospective readers, or disappoint new readers. It could be harem readers stumbling across my old erotica and deciding I’m not a harem author, or it could be an erotica reader who’s really just looking for straight erotica and becomes disappointed as I drift further and further away from that. I’ve even been drifting away from more sex-heavy works as I’ve learned that there is, shockingly, less overlap between erotica and harem than I realized. And although it might sound surprising, I’m actually happy about this. Believe it or not, I am thrilled to take my foot more off of the erotica pedal after this many years of doing it. I can now write a book that can have as few as three ‘on screen’ sex scenes in it and most of my audience will be okay with that. That blows my mind.

  • IT MAKES SENSE TO LAY THE GROUNDWORK ON OTHER PLATFORMS. A side effect of not being able to trust Amazon is that, as I’ve mentioned in the past, it makes sense to have a backup plan. Having a presence on the 15% of the ebook market that Amazon hasn’t destroyed would be smart. So as I take them down from Amazon, I’ll be posting them elsewhere.

  • Those are the main reasons. Also, at this point, they aren’t really earning much of anything. I think they’re all pretty much ‘read out’, and for the most part the people who are going to read it have done so by now. Now, that being said, I’d like to reiterated that I’ll be making them available on Smashwords and, through that site, whatever other platforms are available like Kobo and Barnes & Noble, etc. I’ll also probably take the time to make them available as Kindle files through my Patreon or, shit, maybe I’ll just throw them up here on the site for free, too. I’d like to reconfirm though that this is for my backlog. All my new stuff will be published on Amazon and in the Kindle Unlimited.

Below is a list of titles that will be removed over the next several months.

  • EXPLORATION

  • MY UNDEAD LOVER

  • THE MISTY VIXEN STARTER PACK

  • DEMONESS SERIES (Note: This is getting removed because of the reboot. If people really want access to the original version, I’ll post it up for free through my site.)

  • HELLCATS TRILOGY

  • WANDERLUST SERIES

  • ROYAL LUST

  • AMAZONIAN’S LOVE

  • ADVENTUROUS

  • PARANORMAL PASSIONS TRILOGY

  • DESIRE SERIES

  • ALIEN HAREM SERIES

  • LUST & ADVENTURE TRILOGY

  • SEX & SURVIVAL TRILOGY

  • VALKYRIES TRILOGY

  • PARASEXUAL SERIES

  • PINK TRILOGY

  • BLIND DATE TRILOGY

  • SNAKESKIN TRILOGY

  • THE PALE REDHEAD TRILOGY

  • LARGE & LOVELY TRILOGY

Here is the final thing I want to say on this: I know it’s possible that there are some people reading this who, for any number of reasons, are missing titles from my library that they may want, and have been waiting for the right time. Well, that time will be coming soon. This month (April) I will be making EVERY SINGLE TITLE THAT I AM GOING TO BE TAKING DOWN FREE FOR SEVERAL DAYS. I will make a separate post about that, with a comprehensive list of links, so be ready for that. It will happen soon.

EDIT: Physical copies will be left intact and available through Amazon, since Amazon doesn’t seem to give a shit about them. And all future Misty Vixen titles will be available as physical paperbacks, too.

The Misty Vixen Newsletter (April 2022)

I finally finished some things!

Our Own Way is done!

A Warm Place is done!

I’m still figuring out the release of The Complete Edition for A Warm Place.

March wasn’t shitty, but it was hectic. I’ve basically been handling real-life stuff, (mainly trying to look after my sanity), and also scrambling to finish those two series.

In case you missed it, you can now read my works as I write them over on my Patreon for 3$/month. The main caveat is that they will get deleted about 12-24 hours before final publication for Amazon reasons.

I’m going to do a big sale soon, though I imagine everyone reading this has already bought or read everything they want to from me.

Right now, and for the immediate future, it’s full steam ahead on Raw. Specifically Raw III, but also just Raw in general. I really want to get the ball rolling hard on that series. Probably the only other thing I’ll be putting work in on is helping Lara X. Lust with the next (and maybe final) Desperate Times book. Otherwise it’s GO TIME for Jak and his harem of lovely stone age ladies. Looking at an early May release.

Also, one more thing, I’m going to be updating the cover art for Raw. For reasons that I don’t really want to get into, it’s been a bit precarious almost from the beginning, but I recently decided to investigate an alternate avenue. If you were a fan of them, sorry, honestly so was I. It’ll be a bit before I get my hands on the newer art, but Raw III should launch with the new style.

Quick Update

Part of being a writer is making decisions on the fly.

Part of being me, evidently, is feeling a compulsion to keep everyone who cares to read in on the loop.

To dispense with the suspense: Our Own Way 7 will be the final installment, and it’ll be longer than the others.

I was having the same trouble I did before, my soft-lock problem, only it was a little different this time. Every day that passes is another day I’m not working on Raw III and at this point I’ve kind of had my fill of both Our Own Way and A Warm Place. I know, not exactly something you want to hear from an author of a series you like, but this happens with basically everything I’ve ever written, so it’s nothing new.

And, I’d like to emphasize this: I REALLY want to work on Raw III. But I need to do it right, with a clear head, which means finishing up these other two series.

The thing I kept coming back to, as I worked on both AWP9 and OOW7, was that I STILL had to write OOW8 even after I finished these two current projects, and it just…it was causing problems in my brain.

Have you ever run into this situation?: You are trying to do something a very specific way, you are just stubbornly dead-set on doing it this one specific way, even though it’s killing you. And then, finally, you, for even just five seconds, entertain the notion of ‘but what if I did it this other way?’, and it’s like a lightbulb with a heavenly chorus going off.

For me, that was insisting on writing two more Our Own Ways instead of one. It was blocking the whole creative pipeline, not just for Our Own Way but for EVERYTHING. But the second I thought ‘what if I wrapped it up on part seven?’, it was like a firework bursting in my head screaming YES. Abruptly, no more clogging. It just felt right.

So, if you were looking forward to two more parts, then I’m sorry. The story itself won’t change, but this way, I won’t have to stretch out scenes to reach an arbitrary wordcount like I might have had to otherwise had I kept forcing myself to do it the other way.

Anyway, I’m progressing nicely with Our Own Way 7, basically just working on it as fast as I can. I want to get it, and The Complete Series, written and out very soon. There is going to be art (nude & clothed) of Sadie, as well as a new, hot side character that makes an appearance in the final installment.

Ideally, I will see you all again soon (within the next seven days) with this.

In the meantime, don’t forget that if you want to read the story in early access, you can do so on my Patreon for 3$/month.

Our Own Way 7 Preview

Here is the first chapter of Our Own Way 7.

You can read the second chapter if you are a 1$/month Patron here.

You can read the third chapter, and onward, if you are a 3$/month Patron here.


“I’d like you to remember that it is still being worked on,” Sadie said as the two of them approached the front door.

“Don’t worry, I’m keeping it in mind,” Gabe replied.

He looked up at the house, still impressed by it. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he could see Sadie waiting in her car in the driveway, he would have been sure he didn’t have the right house. Or the right neighborhood.

A cold wind gusted and kicked up some of the remaining snow as they stepped up onto the front porch and Sadie slid her key into the lock.

“I hate winter,” she murmured, unlocking the door and hurrying inside.

“It’s nice to be inside, at least,” Gabe replied.

He followed her in and heard her laugh softly. “I imagine a lot of life’s troubles must seem rather pale when you have two very attractive, very sexually active women living with you. Let alone four,” she replied.

“That’s a fair point,” he replied, shutting the door and looking around.

Gabe was finally getting the first real look at the house that, at this point, almost certainly was going to be his.

Well, not just his, but his and Ellen’s and Holly’s, and possibly Krystal’s and Liz’s too.

Even now, it still felt impossible.

Three weeks had passed since Krystal had gone back home to seriously discuss the possibility of moving back to Krystal’s hometown and enter into a relationship with three other people that she’d technically never met before. He’d expected more communication from Liz given this development, but she hadn’t really done more than text a few times. Gabe would have been worried about it if he wasn’t still in pretty constant contact with Krystal.

She wouldn’t stop texting and calling.

Now that they’d had some time apart and he’d really examined it, he could see that Ellen was right about the two of them: Krystal was really into him. He could hear it in her voice when she called him and read it in all the messages she sent him. He was actually starting to worry that someone was going to get jealous but the problem hadn’t manifested. At least not visibly. That was what really worried him: he might just be missing it.

There was a part of him that was afraid that Liz would hate him, or at least be really upset with him in some capacity, because of how much Krystal was into him.

But aside from this new development in the curious thing his sex life had become, everything else seemed to be progressing by leaps and bounds.

He was done with his second series about Holly. Everything was written and triple-edited by himself, Ellen, and Holly, it was all properly formatted and actually uploaded to Ignition. At this point, thanks to the ability to set release dates and the automation of that particular process, Gabe didn’t actually have to do anything. Every Monday at midnight the next episode went live. He had three more weeks of space granted to him by that: two more episodes and then the complete collection. Based on how well his previous complete collection had done, and the sales numbers of the newer ones, he was extremely interested to see how this did.

At this point, he was on his way to surpassing any job he’d ever had before in terms of earning. It wasn’t fantastic, given that he’d only ever worked crap jobs with crap pay, but still, it felt like a big accomplishment all things considered.

And thanks to his focus (as much as he was able to muster Ellen and Holly around) he was about halfway through the third series about Krystal, which was taking longer because the amount of words going in kept increasing.

By now, the shorts he wrote were about three times the length of his original pieces. No longer short stories or even novelettes but full-blown novellas.

Things had begun accelerating for Ellen, too.

Mostly she’d been painting, and she had a natural talent for it. She’d painted almost exclusively scenes from Recovery, and had now gone into the realm of fan fiction. Given how sexual their household was, Gabe supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised that she’d started painting sex scenes between some of the characters.

And she was really good at that.

In between that, she’d set herself up a website that offered both website design and graphic design, specifically making cover art for people, though she had yet to actually launch the site yet. After all her practice doing it for him, she felt more confident about doing it.

And she’d actually been getting some hits already, from a few work-for-hire sites she’d posted to.

He’d seen some of the work she’d done and could tell in some unspoken but certain way that she was going to do really well at this. It might take time, it almost certainly would, given the nature of modern life, but she had a natural talent and a natural drive. She didn’t need to hustle and grind at this point, but this was already proving that she’d be able to do this probably for the rest of her life and, if not be rich from it, then at least help carve out a living.

Holly had mostly still been relaxing, but had started to ramp things up over the past week. She was still getting her blog set up, and by now it was more complex than ever. He went to check it out every two days or so and at this point he found it intricate. She didn’t just have pictures of places, but also little descriptions written for them. And she’d been adding to the photos. They’d gone out several times, all over town, taking fantastic pictures.

And she’d gotten together her paperwork to do it on a more professional basis. (With a little help from Ellen, who had way more experience navigating bureaucracy.) She was still a ways from doing it professionally, but she at least wanted to dip her toe in and start to get a feel for what it might be like to be hired to take pictures.

It was a wild, interesting, exciting time for all three of them, and he was still shocked that it had taken seemingly so little time to happen.

He supposed that was largely because there had been huge chunks of time where basically nothing had had happened, no progress was made, and it was like he was just existing, stuck in some strange stasis.

That so much change could happen over the course of months, or even weeks, felt ludicrous.

“This way,” Sadie said, bringing him back to the present.

His eyes dipped briefly to her ass, which was showcased so very nicely in the tight jeans she was wearing. There was a lot to like about Sadie, but her ass was amazing. He was still having a hard time believing that unloading into her mouth was a memory and not a fantasy. Gabe followed after her, out of the entryway and through an open door to the left.

They had been discussing moving to another property with Sadie and after talking about it for awhile and doing some prep work, she had been ready to show him the other house that she owned. It was on the other side of town, in a more upscale neighborhood that made him vaguely uncomfortable to be in.

It was empty and felt somewhat cavernous as they walked through it, passing through one room, then into the kitchen, then back across the hall again.

“Bathroom,” she said, open door. “And then this would be a bedroom, or an office.” She opened the door next to it and they looked inside. It had a barren look to it and he could see why she’d been a little reluctant to show him.

She’d bought the property last year and had been slowly having it fixed up, but before she hadn’t really had any real rush to do so, as property management was something she’d gotten into awhile ago but didn’t have a great taste for.

They went upstairs are touring the rest of the first floor and looked through another three empty bedrooms and a pair of bathrooms, then she took him down into the basement.

“I’ve gotten most of the pertinent stuff taken care of,” she said. “Plumbing, the roof, some foundation work. It all checks out, and I intend to have a full inspection run by someone I can trust after I finish up. There’s still some electrical work but most of the work left is cosmetic. I want to get everything repainted and new carpets laid in, and replace a few of the windows. And finish out this basement. It’ll look a lot better once the carpet’s down and the painting is done. You can almost certainly turn this into a bedroom or maybe a den or...sex dungeon. I don’t know, I’m not completely sure what you’re all into.”

He laughed. “I don’t know if we’ll go that far.”

“Just so long as you don’t do any damage, I don’t really care what the five of you do,” Sadie replied.

They headed back upstairs. As they came to stand in what would be the living room, he studied Sadie. She looked different. She’d always looked good to him, but now she looked as good as he’d ever seen her. Part of it was her haircut. She’d gotten it cut in a sexier style. She was also wearing tight clothing that made her seem shapelier, that accentuated her body more. He thought she might be wearing a bit of makeup as well.

“So what do you think?” she asked.

“I think it’s great and we’re going to go ahead with this,” he replied. “Even if Liz and Krystal decide they don’t want to join us, it would be nice to have a bigger place. Especially with all the work we’re doing nowadays that requires a bit of space.”

“It’s good to see the three of you working on things you care about, that you’re passionate about. Is that why they didn’t come?” she asked.

“Uh...I mean, I think that’s why Holly didn’t come,” he replied, laughing a little awkwardly. “She was out taking photos and busy. Ellen was busy but…”

“But?” she prompted, a small smile on her on face. She really liked it when he was awkward or embarrassed, he’d noticed.

“I’m pretty sure the real reason she didn’t tag along was because she wanted you and I to get some more alone time.”

“Oh.” Sadie blushed a little. Now it was her turn to be awkward. “I’m close,” she said, “to being ready.”

“Like I said, no rush,” Gabe replied. “I want you to feel good about it.”

“Oh I feel very good about it,” she said, her smile returning with a bit more intensity. She took a step closer to him. “Very good about it. At this point I’m just waiting on my test results. I should hear back any day now.”

He nodded. Something that was floated once they’d started seriously talking about all this, and something Sadie herself had independently mentioned as well, was getting tested for STDs. Everyone, including Sadie, was basically ninety nine percent sure they had nothing, but given there was going to be unprotected sex going on, Gabe didn’t think it was unreasonable at all to cover their bases. So far everyone in his circle, including Krystal and Liz, had come back negative. Sadie had been dragging her feet a little out an admitted hatred of anything doctor or medical related. Given some of the stuff she had told them about running into, he didn’t blame her.

“And then you’ll be down to fuck?” he asked.

Gabe didn’t want to pressure her, but he also didn’t want her to think he wasn’t interested or was faking it. She was still nervous about that, apparently.

Plus, well, he really wanted this.

It wasn’t necessarily that he thought she was teasing him intentionally, dragging it out on purpose, but she was teasing him sexually to a certain degree. It was more that she was teasing him and she happened to be needing awhile to adjust to the whole idea of sex with him. She’d been off the scene for over a decade.

Even after all their interactions, it had to be kind of an intimidating prospect.

“Yes,” she said, smiling and reaching up, tracing a finger slowly along his jaw, “and then I will be down to fuck...I still can’t fully believe that you’re into this. Especially with Ellen and Holly and, good lord, Krystal. I’d understand if it was just ‘another notch on the belt’ kind of thing, but I can read it in your eyes: you’re attracted to me.”

“Very,” he agreed.

“It’s a little strange, after a lifetime of...not exactly being the belle of the ball, and then feeling like my looks were going down the drain even before forty, and that they were gone by fifty, and now I’m five years beyond that. I’ve never placed a lot of emphasis on sex or relationships, but I don’t disregard them completely...I guess, what I’m really trying to say is that it feels surprisingly good to have the attention of such a handsome young man.”

She’d laid her hand flat against his chest now, staring into his eyes.

“It feels about as fantastic as I thought it would to have the attention of such a hot cougar,” he replied.

She laughed. “I never thought I would be a cougar. I knew a MILF wasn’t on the table simply because...well, obvious reasons. But a cougar...I kind of thought it was a little bit of a sexual myth. That men who were into noticeably older women were very rare, and even then only women who were unusually attractive even as they headed into middle age.”

“If there’s a thing that I’m learning,” Gabe replied, “it’s that ‘attractive’ is largely bullshit. I mean yeah, conventionally attractive people have it easier, but I’ve definitely learned that attractive truly is a roll of the dice. I never in a million years would have thought that Ellen or Holly or Krystal or you would be genuinely sexually attracted to me.”

“You know, I was attracted to you before we even met,” Sadie murmured, settling her other hand on his hip now.

“Really?’

“Yes. You’ve got a very sexy voice. When we first spoke, it honestly made me horny to a degree I hadn’t been in a few years...I very seriously considered jumping you when we first met.”

“What stopped you? Because that would have been amazing,” he replied.

She laughed. “I suppose I was uncomfortable with the age difference...and I wasn’t sure if you were single or not. And ultimately I lost my nerve.”

“And now you aren’t worried about the difference?”

“No. Not really. You’re...a lot more mature than a lot of people at your age.”

“If you say so...you wanna make you?” he asked.

She exhaled sharply and blushed again. “I...wasn’t expecting that,” she murmured. “Yes.”

And then she kissed him, and he slipped his arms around her, leaning into the kiss. Such a rushing thrill of excitement burst within his stomach as their lips met and he tasted her and he felt her against him. He thought of her naked and how it felt to put his dick in her mouth, how it felt to have he wrap her fingers around his cock and jack him off. Feeling her up, seeing her masturbate, having sex in front of her.

What it might feel like to be inside of her.

Her tongue in his mouth was even more thrilling.

“You know,” he said, “I honestly don’t have to wait for the results to come back. We could fuck right now if you wanted to.”

She pulled back slightly, staring at him, flushed and breathing heavily. Then shook her head slightly. “Not yet,” she managed. “I’m sorely tempted but...not yet. I want it to be right. Believe me, I love the idea of a spur-of-the-moment, impassioned tryst as much as the next girl but...it’s been a decade. I want it to be...proper. Very soon, though, Gabe.”

“I’ll be ready,” he said.

She smiled and kissed him again, then pulled back, letting her hands fall to her sides. She sighed. “This is agitating,” she admitted. “I’m very horny right now.” She sighed. “Obviously you are too...but you have a pair of women you can go home to and get...help. Satisfying that urge.”

“Does it bother you?” he asked.

“No,” she replied, “don’t worry, I’m not the jealous type. You and Ellen and Holly are all so good to and for each other. I’m happy.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome...now come on, there’s business I need to tend to elsewhere. The renovations shouldn’t take more than a week, perhaps two at the very longest.”

“What about rent?” he asked as they headed for the front door.

“I don’t know...honestly I’m tempted to just let you have it for free. The rent has just been a pretext at this point.”

Gabe was reaching for the knob but he hesitated and then turned to face her. “Why are you doing this for?” he asked suddenly. “I mean, really? I appreciate it, we all do, and I trust you, but...it doesn’t fully make sense.”

She looked back at him, twisting her lips, seeming to consider his words. “It took awhile, but I became good at making money,” she replied finally. “I won’t say I’m rich, but I am very well off at this point. Honestly, by now, I have enough to last me the rest of my life if I’m not stupid. Hell, even if I’m stupid. It’s been like that for fifteen years or so. After a certain point, I just...don’t really care. I have a nice house with nice stuff and a nice car, and a fat savings and retirement fund, some good stock options. I went on several vacations. To Europe. To South America. I went to Japan two years ago. And that was fun, and I’ll probably still go on a few of those trips, but I have more money than I know what to do with. The thing that remains is my desire to help people, somehow. So now I donate to charities and help out around town if I can...that’s why.”

Gabe thought there was a little more to it, something in the way she was talking, or maybe the way she was looking at him, but she seemed to hedge a little. Before he could respond, his phone buzzed. He checked it.

There was a text from Krystal: I’M COMING FOR YOU DUDE!

And then a pic of her tits popped up. She had pulled her shirt and bra up in the car and taken a picture. He felt a hit of direct lust, made all the more powerful by his makeout session with Sadie. He replaced his phone.

“I really appreciate it, Sadie,” he said. “Honestly, you’ve changed my entire life. For the better by far.”

She smiled. “That makes it worth it. I had a very good feeling about you, Gabe, and I’m so glad to find out that it was right...now, I assume that was a woman wanting sex?”

He laughed awkwardly. “Kinda yeah. Krystal and Liz are coming back down today and they’re on the way apparently.”

“Give me a kiss and get back to them, then,” she said.

He and Sadie shared another kiss, and then he was out the door.

Early Access On Patreon

So I’ve decided to go ahead and give this a shot.

In short, for 3$/month, you will now get access to my stories as I write them. I’ll post them, chapter-by-chapter. There won’t be anything special, basically it’ll just be an extended version of what I already do with the early access to the first two chapters.

Speaking of which, if you’re a 1$/month Patron, you can read the first two chapters of A Warm Place 9 here. Or the first chapter here for free.

And you can read the third chapter here, the first to be posted under the new 3$/month reward tier. (You will get access to this automatically if you are a 5$/month Patron.)

I’m not going to have a set release schedule for this, and honestly that’s my biggest hesitation behind doing this. Before now, I’ve tried to be decently honest about what’s happening behind the scenes, but the only one who knows about it when I lose it and just need however many days off, or I get distracted for however long, is me. The only things readers know is there’s this big, nebulous span of time and then suddenly there’s a book. You won’t have a perfect view of my writing schedule, but you’ll certainly have a clearer picture, and suddenly it’s going to be WAY more embarrassing and guilt-wracking when I suddenly lose it and fall off halfway through the week and don’t get back on the horse until the following week. (This happens a lot, thanks to depression, anxiety, and other unspecified phantom physical health problems, combined with just real life stuff, and writer problems like when I’m stuck on one scene and I just don’t fucking feel like writing this kind of scene right now and I keep trying to do it but just can’t again and again until suddenly I can and I’m over it, but then I know the same exact problem is lurking somewhere in the shadows…)

My long, rambling point is I’m a mess and doing this will inadvertently shine a brighter light on just how much of a mess. But it will also (ideally) strengthen the bridge between myself and you the readers.

So basically, I’ll upload as I can.

If you’re interested in this, here’s my Patreon.

Also, one more note, I will start putting up Our Own Way 7 soon, but the chapters are going to be unedited. Our Own Way should be the only time this happens, because with that series, I’ve ended up taking a different route. Because they are shorter, I just write the whole thing, and then go through and edit afterwards, versus my normal style of editing as I write.

If you do decide to support me this way, then I really appreciate it. Thank you.

A Warm Place 9 Preview

Here’s the first chapter of A Warm Place 9.

You can read Chapter Two if you are a 1$/month patron here.

You can read Chapter Three, and onward, if you are a 3$/month Patron, here. (Here’s a blog explaining this latest development.)


Awake again.

Panic again.

I sat up, as the panic was more mild this time, and already I was questioning it, and looked around. Everything was moving, gently. It was subtle, but it was obvious, like I was in a car driving along a highway. Only that didn’t happen anymore, for the most part. It was dark, though not completely so.

A single shaft of light spilled into the room and gave me a view of it, and I relaxed as it came back to me again and slowly laid back down.

After two and a half years of snowy apocalypse where almost nothing actually worked anymore, it was still incredibly jarring to wake up on a moving train. For me, at least. And Hannah and Susan. As far as I knew, the others didn’t have a problem adjusting to it. We got nightmares somehow related to being tied up or buried alive for some reason, but as I laid there in the dim light, I realized that I couldn’t remembering having one last night.

Maybe I was getting used to it.

For a moment, I just laid there and stared at the ceiling. The light in our cabin came from a single bullet hole in the exterior wall. We’d debated for a bit about what to do about it and ultimately I liked the idea of having even a tiny extra window to provide sunlight in the morning. The problem with our pair of windows was that there was no in between. The metal shutters were either sealed tight, hiding the light completely, or fully open. Considering we were all supposed to be sleeping in, me especially, we didn’t particularly want sunlight blazing into the cabin every morning. We didn’t quite want perfect darkness either.

The bullet hole seemed like a nice little compromise. Normally I’d light candles, to help me see during the night, or have a fire going in a fireplace. But candles in a moving train made me nervous that they might get knocked off while we were sleeping and catch something on fire, and the train was built well enough that having a fire going in the wood-burning stove that had been added to the cabin before we’d gotten there made it unbearably hot. So, we’d found some thick plastic, cut a piece to fit the hole, and shoved it in.

It worked well enough.

Like having the blinds or curtains open just a crack.

I wondered idly what time it was. The quality of the light put it definitely past dawn. It might be towards noon even.

I wasn’t prone to sleeping in, but Lisa and Melanie both had told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to spend as much time sleeping and resting as possible while the train was running as it was supposed to and we had the time.

For once, I didn’t argue.

The main reason was that the last several weeks had really kicked my ass in a way it had never been kicked before. Starting with the trek back to Pine Lake, the run-in with the asshole group, then the furious race to find Megan and Melanie and Fay, to the desperate rush that lasted for weeks trying to keep Pine Lake alive, and finally getting this train operational…

When we’d taken off, heading north towards, hopefully, our salvation, I was more tired than I ever remembered being in my entire life.

I’d probably slept half of the past five days away.

My body was beaten, bruised, and battered, and my exhaustion was bone-deep.

It felt worse than when I’d been recovering after getting shot.

Even now, I could feel that I wasn’t healed up completely. I knew I owed part of that to the fact that after two days, I hadn’t been able to really stay down when I probably should have. There was a lot to do on the train and I felt too much like shit just laying there while everyone else was getting it done. I’d argued with Lisa about it and she’d finally given me some light duty. Mostly I hung out in the kitchen with Elizabeth and Delilah and a few others preparing meals or sorting food, making sure we had enough.

One of the girls murmured in her sleep and shifted. I looked over. It was Hannah. She lay between Megan and I. Across from the foot of the bed was another, smaller bed, a twin size where Lara and Susan slept together. We’d agreed that five of us should share the room given that it was pretty large.

I had to admit, it was sure nice enough for me.

That was another reason I probably wasn’t healing up as fast as I could be: four horny and willing women who were usually naked in here with me.

How could I possibly turn them down when they offered?

Megan and Susan seemed to be the more responsible of the four, tending to hold off or not go for longer sessions, but Lara and Hannah?

Lara was hypersexual, it seemed, and Hannah was still in the midst of discovering just how fucking awesome sex could be.

And then of course there was Jessica, and Elizabeth. Two horny MILFs who lived right next door who had both gotten out of shitty, sexless marriages not all that long ago and had figured out that sex with me was really, really nice.

And there was also Lisa, Fay, and Melanie, who I was having casual side sex with, although Fay and Lisa had been too busy since we’d begun living on the train and Melanie had only fucked me once. I got the impression she was holding back for just the reason that she was a doctor and knew I needed to rest and recover.

With a sigh, I sat up and got to my feet, then moved into the tiny bathroom and took a piss. I wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep at this point, I could just tell. Probably a good idea to get up anyway.

I flushed the toilet and was again struck by how much I missed that sound. Goddamn was it good to have a working toilet. I glanced at the shower stall. And shower. We had to ration, because there was only so much hot and clean water, but still, a five minute hot shower every two days and a functional toilet was just amazing.

I brushed my teeth and was considering who to wake up to take my shower with, because it made sense to double-up while showering and I hadn’t taken one yesterday, which meant I got to take one today, when I heard someone moving in the bedroom behind me. A moment later there was a light knock at the door.

“Come in,” I said.

The door slid open and Susan appeared, rubbing sleep from her eyes. “Hey...I gotta pee,” she murmured.

“Want to shower with me?” I asked.

“Yes,” she replied immediately.

“Brush your teeth and pee, then we can shower,” I said.

“Okay,” she replied.

I finished up and then stepped out. She went in and shut the door and got to her business. Lara was still out, I could see, and so was Megan, but I thought Hannah would be up soon. I was surprised Susan was the one who’d gotten up first, normally she was a heavy sleeper. Although honestly, I was more surprised that Hannah wasn’t already awake. But I guess the past few weeks had taken a heavy toll on her as well.

I heard the toilet flush and the shower start up and slipped back into the bathroom.

~

Twenty minutes later I emerged from our quarters with Hannah and Susan, dressed and feeling refreshed.

The bad thing about doubling up on showers was that it tended to take longer...for obvious reasons.

The good thing about doubling up was that technically speaking, we each had five minutes, which meant that what was supposed to be a five minute shower had turned into fifteen minutes of sex in the shower with Susan and then Hannah.

So that was pretty cool.

We walked down the hallway to the dining area of our cart, which was almost empty. Only a few people were sitting at the tables, and I could see why: judging by the position of the sun out the windows, it was maybe an hour before noon. These few people were either taking late breakfasts like us, or an early lunch. We got our food from the serving area, finding vegetable stew and venison on offer, and orange juice. That one was nice, there had been a huge stash of long frozen OJ on the train and we were making good use of it since there was a decent chance we wouldn’t realistically be able to bring most of it with us when the train broke down.

So far, this vehicle we’d found had held up pretty well.

I’d hardly seen Fay because she’d been so busy running maintenance all over it, but she seemed happy. Busy, but happy.

The few times I’d spoken with her she seemed confident that it’d keep going for at least several more days before something went wrong. That was something she had stressed: it was going to break down, and it almost certainly was not going to make it to where we wanted it to. And I thought she was right.

So far, the going was slow.

Besides the fact that we were literally going slowly, both to keep the train from being too stressed and also to make it possible to stop in case there was something blocking the way or like a bridge or something was out, we also tended to stop at least once a day, sometimes twice. For a number of reasons: to gather energy from the solar cells more effectively (they didn’t work as well while in motion), to gather snow to melt for the water supply, to go on a hunting expedition.

So far I had yet to leave the train during one of these stops, except twice to stretch my legs and walk around outside for a bit.

By now, I was feeling the effects.

“What are you thinking about, babe?” Hannah asked, and I felt her foot brush mine under the table. I had been staring out the window at the frozen landscape of fields and trees and abandoned vehicles and buildings. I glanced over at her. She was smiling at me, a calm, warm smile, and I couldn’t help but return it.

Hannah had become extremely affectionate since we’d settled onto the train. It wasn’t that she wasn’t this way before, it was just that it was very obvious now. I wasn’t sure what was causing it but I liked it.

“I was thinking that whenever we next stop, I’m getting off this train and going on a hunting trip or something. Maybe explore a building,” I replied.

“You sure Melanie or Lisa will let you?” Susan murmured with a small smirk.

“I think they won’t be able to stop me. I’m still healing, but I’m no longer down for the count. I’m starting to get some cabin fever...what are you smirking at?”

“I just think it’s a little, uh...amusing, the way Lisa and Melanie...make you do things, I guess,” she replied.

“They’re very convincing,” I replied.

“Who’s the most convincing?” Hannah asked, brushing my foot with hers again.

“Oh no, I’m not heading into that territory. That’s just a variation on ‘who’s the prettiest?’ or ‘who fucks best?’. I don’t answer those questions.”

“Mmm-hmm,” Hannah murmured.

“That’s a smart man,” a new voice said. We glanced over as Lisa walked up to our table. “Mind if I join you?”

“You’re always welcome to join,” I replied.

She smiled and took a seat. “You seem to be doing better.”

“I am,” I replied, wondering how much she’d heard of what I’d said earlier about leaving the train. I knew she wouldn’t like it. She’d been worrying over me a lot. “How are things going on the train lately?”

“Well enough, I suppose, given what we’re dealing with,” Lisa replied, growing a little more irritable. She sighed. “I know I should be more grateful, and I am, it’s just that...I’m so fucking sick of bad things happening and shit going wrong.”

“You’re handling it really well,” Hannah said.

“Yeah. I mean, as our leader, you have to see the whole pictures, and make all the big decisions. All the rest of us get to focus on one or two little parts of the picture. Most of us couldn’t do that,” Susan added.

“Well, at this point, I can’t claim to run this whole miserable operation on my own,” Lisa replied. “Chris pretty obviously is helping shoulder a lot of this responsibility.”

“Oh no,” I said, “I just get shit done. I’m not a leader.”

“Come on, Chris, you can’t even pretend to claim that anymore,” Lisa said, folding her arms as she sat back in her chair and fixed me with a stern look. “You’ve played a significant role in making several big decisions.”

I stared back at her, a feeling of discomfort settling over me. I wasn’t sure what to say, how to respond to that.

“To be clear, you’re doing well,” she added, her features softening.

“I don’t like that idea,” I said finally.

“Which is a good sign,” Lisa replied.

“I don’t see how. A reluctant person in a leadership position doesn’t exactly instill confidence.”

“Surely you’re aware by now that the best people to make decisions are the ones who don’t want power. People who want power get corrupted pretty easily, or already are. You know who I mean: the jerk-offs who get off on power plays and telling people what to do. The pieces of shit who are content to hide in a bunker while sending thousands to fight and die, instead of being out there and laying their own lives on the line. Reluctant leaders who still understand responsibility and are brave enough to make the hard choices are the best, because they won’t abuse their power. Mostly. I fucking hate my job but I’m decent at it and we’d probably all be dead if I hadn’t stepped up,” Lisa said.

I sighed heavily. “Yeah, I guess you have a point. I still prefer to just be a useful tool. Aim me at a problem and let me fix it.”

“That’s a dangerous mindset,” Hannah said. “If some piece of shit who jacks off to power gets ahold of a ‘tool’ like that…”

“I mean I have to trust who’s aiming me at shit,” I replied.

“That’s a fair point,” she said.

Lisa began to say something but fell silent and began looking around as the train abruptly started to slow.

“What’s happening?” Susan asked.

“I don’t know,” Lisa replied, getting to her feet. “We shouldn’t be stopping.”

“Great,” I muttered, standing as well, abandoning what was left of my breakfast, “let’s go see what happened this time.”